Don’t say the words. Show the feeling behind them before anything else. What do I mean by that? Definitely nothing as trivial as what love apparently is these days. I am talking about respect. Hardcore respect.
People say respect is not a given. Instead it’s earned. That’s true. It’s also true that if you want respect, you must give it out first. That brings us into a vicious rut, doesn’t it?
Well, there might be a loophole to it. What I am talking about here is principles.
What makes us respect someone (and in turn, makes someone respect us) is seeing that person not failing in following the principles he/she says they stand up for.
Their behaviour matches the words that come out of their mouths.
Women often want to be loved because they think that love will bring them respect. That’s so far off the truth! Love is one thing, respect is a totally different thing. Respect grows a certain admiration towards the person one looks up to. It makes us want to grow and become to be the same kind of person. It shows us a better, upgraded version of the human character. A version we can embrace if we want and if we put up enough effort.
What does love bring? Not the above, for sure.
The difference between respect and love, from my point of view is this: respecting someone makes you look at yourself and make changes to yourself to become better. Maybe you’ll come to inspire other people, just like you were inspired. Whereas, loving someone makes you look at the other person and trying to change him/her to the skewed image you have of that person. Maybe you’ll start forgetting yourself and get lower than how you were before loving that person.
Whenever I think about love I had the image of growing old beautifully together with the chosen one. I am not referring to the visual aspect but rather to growing an constantly learning from each other in such a manner that the connection between each other is a form of graceful respect.
Understand instead of judge your partner, help instead of belittle, accept instead of constant nagging to change something about themselves that they regard a part of themselves. And receive the same in return. Any differences can be resolved and that is respect.
Love can only last for certain amounts of times. You cannot love all the time. Various emotions pass through at anytime and none are permanent, but respect is a choice, a choice to fight even our most undesirable feelings.
Therefore I believe that one needs respect and then love in order to have a healthy enduring relationship of any kind.